Ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!

"I watch the ripples change their size, but never leave the stream of warm impermanence.
So the days float through my eyes, but still the days seem the same.
And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations.  They're quite aware of what they're going through.  Turn and face the strain.  Changes.
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it.
Pretty soon they're gonna get older.
Strange fascination, fascinating me.
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through.
Turn and face the strain. Changes.
Time may change me
But I can't trace time." -David Bowie

25 Random Things

 1.  I haven't written anything in 4 months.  Sad, but true.

 2.  Life gets in the way of life sometimes and you have to just shove it aside and start again.
 3.  True friends stick no matter what.  I have some true friends.  I'm lucky that way.
 4.  My favorite things right now are Trader Joe's pumpkin spice coffee, Smartwool socks, and Argon
      oil in my hair.
 5.  The last person I laughed with was my sister.  She is still the funniest girl I know.
 6.  I wish my husband Greg cooked dinner every night.  He is a good cook.  I am not.
 7.  I very rarely watch television.  Seriously, only about 2 hours a week, if that.
 8.  My dog is the softest thing I own.  Petting him lowers my blood pressure.  I know it does.
 9.  The person I admire most right now is my son Joseph.  For a lot of reasons.  He is something.
10.  My other son Sam, sings while he does just about everything and it secretly makes me smile.
11.  I have to make my bed every day or I can't get back into it at night.  Seriously.
12.  My family did a photo shoot in front of a green screen and the photographer made the background  
the album cover of "Abbey Road".  Greg is getting a 14x14 of it for Christmas and I can't wait to give it to him!  Shhh!
13.  I still ask for and listen to advice from my Mom and Dad.  It's good stuff.
14.  My brother is a really good uncle.  I appreciate that about him so much.
15.  I cry in church almost every Sunday.  It's a good cry.
16.  I like owls.  My friends all know not to buy me any "owl" stuff.  I don't want to be the crazy owl lady.
17.  Our new mailman is really cute and probably gay. Just a hunch.
18.  I often get song lyrics wrong, and my family corrects me and then makes fun of me for the rest of my life.
19.  When I was a little girl, I wanted to be Josie and play the tambourine in The Pussycats.  I still do.
20.  I'm trying to decide if I should stop coloring my hair and just go gray.
21.  The last really good book I read was "The Healing" by Jonathan Odell.  I also liked "The Perks of
Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky.
22.  Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day orange clove scented soy candles are all over my house. I am not getting      
paid by Ms. Meyer, Trader Joe, Mr. Smartwool, or Lady Dansko (see #24)
23.  When I lived in NC, I picked up a little Southern drawl and said "Bless your heart" all the time.
Now I hang with my British neighbor Kay and I say "lovely" and cuss a lot more.
24.  I mostly wear jeans and Dansko clogs.  I have shiny patent red ones that I call my ruby slippers.
My other pairs are smooth tan leather, and suede gray boots.  I think I'll go for the tooled black next.
25.  I would like to thank you for reading my blog.  Thank you for reading my blog!

     

Superheroes

I can't stop thinking about it.  The Batman premier shooting in Aurora, CO just hit me hard.  It was too close for comfort.  My boys were at the midnight premier here in Rochester on Thursday night, their first time going to a late-night opening show. I patted myself on the back for holding out this long for a midnight premier.  At 14 and 16 years old, it was the perfect summer "boy" activity. Wholesome in that it was keeping them off the streets and out of the hood, sheltered, cool, free of bug bites, happy. The movie itself was full of violence, I'd read, but all that "fantasy" stuff appeals to them.  I warned them it was dark.  "Like we haven't seen dark before, Mom?" they replied with the standard amount of sarcasm.  They were excited as I dropped them at the theater with 5 of their friends.  It made me smile to see the little bit of swagger and smell the lingering Axe body spray in the van as they walked away.  "You're a good mom.", I thought to myself, "You'll get points for this!" I had agreed to pick them all up at 3:00 am. and drove home to snuggle with the dog and read on the couch.

Waking up Friday morning (ok, it was actually closer to noon, but I hadn't gone to bed til 4:00!) to the news of the Aurora tragedy made my stomach drop.  I immediately did that thing we all do in the face of someone else's grief, I sighed in relief for a moment.  It wasn't me or my boys, our town or our grief.  It might have been, I knew.  It so easily could have been, I thought.  So, I said a silent prayer:

"Be with them, dear Lord.  Be with those other moms, in a far-away town, who's kids were there too.  Comfort them as they cling to their last memory of their child, happy and healthy, walking into the movie theater with friends.  Be with those who witnessed the horror, for their lives are forever changed, forever marked by an irrational act of violence.  Be with the families of the victims, hold them close in their anguish, give them comfort and peace.  Show me compassion and understanding, for the young man who committed the heinous crime, certainly, but also for others I am so quick to judge this morning.  Those parents who brought their young children, even babies, to that movie theater;  the people who don't think we need stricter gun control laws;  those who see mental illness as shameful and not worthy of our attention or tax dollars.  I need help to make sense of it all, Heavenly Father."

It seems to me that when terrible things happen, when we feel lost and powerless in the world, we need to make solid choices.  We need to choose understanding, empathy, compassion, and kindness, but we also need something stronger. We need to choose love. As Jo Knowles said recently, "Make love your superpower."  At times like this, we all need a superpower.  We must suspend judgement and try to find the strength to respond with as much love as we can, whatever that may mean.  Whether it is letting the guy with the attitude problem go ahead of you in line, or listening to the annoying sales pitch of the telemarketer, volunteering at a homeless shelter, donating some money, or holding the hand of a hurting friend.  We must go about our days with a renewed sense of empathy and fortified with an arsenal of kindness.  We must wear our cape of compassion in thought, word, and deed.  We must be the superheroes in a weary world and do our best to bring justice and peace upon the planet.  It's what Batman would have done in Aurora and here in Rochester too.  My boys know, they saw the movie.

                                                        Source unknown:  Internet finding

Required Summer Reading

       Dear Samuel and Joseph,

This is the only required summer reading I’m going to request of you.  I wrote it in list format, so as to make it as easy as possible.  Here is what I want you to know at 16 and 14 years old.  Try and remember some of it.  You will be tested on it.  Trust me, you will be tested.

1.     I love you.  Most of what I say to you and do for you comes straight from my heart.  My biggest motivator is LOVE, simply love, and you are my greatest love.  I really hope that you already do know that.

2.     I want you to be happy.   Always look for contentment in what you choose to do, who you choose to be with, and where you choose to be in life.  It’s not always easy to find happiness, and it may take a few tries, but keep it as your goal.  You will find it.  Remember, there is more good than evil in the world.

3.     Trust your instincts.  Do your best. Make good choices. You know what is right.  It’s not always the easiest thing to do.  In fact, sometimes you won’t want to.  Other people will try and convince you otherwise, but stay true to yourself.    Always listen to your first thought and don’t second-guess it.  Follow your own voice and keep your heart in the right place.  You will always know best what is right for you.

4.     Ask for help.  I know Dad and I give you lots of advice.  I know that you don’t always want to hear it.  Seek out advice from other people too.  Ask for opinions to weigh against your own.  Question along the way.  If you don’t know the answer, look harder, dig deeper, and search longer.  Learn from experience and never be afraid to make mistakes. 

5.     Apologize.  If you are wrong, admit it.  Step up and set it to right.  It takes strength to admit mistakes, but you will feel even stronger afterwards.  A brave man accepts his weakness.  It’s much simpler to walk away from failure.  Stand up to it and find another way.  There is always another road to success.

6.     Believe in God and Keep the Faith.  You were raised to know God and the power of faith.  Keep Him in your heart, mind, and on your lips.  Pray often, trust always, and know that there is a greater good.  Go to church.  It’s through practice that your faith strengthens and sustains.

7.     Stay in community and be of service to others.  It really does “take a village” to get through most things in life.  Stay connected to family, friends, teachers, coaches, counselors, colleagues, and neighbors.  We are happiest in communion.  Take good care of those around you.  Lend a helping hand.  Be fair, friendly, ready and reliable.  Be someone’s “go to” guy.  Be respectful and kind to all.

8.     Set high standards for yourself and others.  Make big goals.  Dream big dreams.  Don’t worry about missing the mark or failing.  There are worse things in life.  Pick yourself up and try, try again.  “I think I can” said the Little Engine that Could.  I know you can.  Dad and I will always believe in you.

9.     Figure things out for yourself.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Don’t rely on someone else to do it for you.  Put your mind, heart, and soul into it.  Live with purpose and passion.  If you want it, make it happen.  Do it your way!

10.  You will be fine.  You don’t really need this list from me.  You already have it all inside you.  In your thoughts, words, and actions.  It’s always with you.  I know that. Dad knows that.  YOU know that.  You WILL be fine.  But, please, wear sunscreen, just in case. 

xoxo,

Mom

         

Awakening

I'm reawakening the blog after a couple months off.  It's good to be back.  I've missed it.  But, family, and life, demanded my time so I stepped away.  I'm going to try something a little different with this post. A series of photo snaps- a moment in my day.  Kind of a photo diary.  Just for fun. I'm inspired by the blogs of Kelle Hampton and Nici Rae Holt, whom I've been following for awhile now. Read them at www.kellehampton.com and www.digthischick.net.  You won't regret spending some time with them. Read Kelle's book "Bloom" as well.  It's lovely.

So, this morning I had breakfast on the deck with Oliver.  Just me, the dog, my coffee, my oatmeal and the sun.  It was heaven.  Seriously, it was a spiritual awakening...literally.  One of those mornings where you just know God has a hand in it.  His creation was shining.  It was bright and crisp, green, blue, and sparkling.  It couldn't have been painted more perfectly.  So, I sat and watched the birds, smelled the grass, and breathed it all in. The breeze gave me a cool kiss every now and then just to remind me He was there.  So, I thanked Him and met the day.

 The oaks stood tall and mighty, proud to be in their right place in our forest.

The birds landed on the feeder, enjoying their breakfast too!

hello, mr. and mrs. cardinal

Oliver kept a close watch on them.

The shadows danced on the lawn,

                                                 The flowers smiled their yellow smiles,

                                      And that sun just kept shining, announcing her day.

                                                 

The clouds came out to play...

 ...And the moon went to bed.
       

                                          Other people went about their business,

            But we sat awhile on our deck this morning.  Didn't we, Oliver?

                                                           

Puppy Love!

We welcomed home an 8-week-old puppy last Wednesday on a beautiful 75-degree spring day. Oliver Oakley is a tri-colored Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and has quickly become the love of my life!  Who would have thought?  I've never considered myself a "dog person".  In fact, like my friend Carolyn, I was always more of a "dog tolerater".  Well, Oliver has changed that already!  Most of my friends told me to expect that bringing a puppy home was a lot like having another baby.  I didn't realize, however, that despite the extra work, constant vigilance, and joys of potty training, I would feel those same old tugs at the heartstrings and jump on those overwhelming maternal instincts to nurture and protect this little bundle in my care.  He has brought it all back and I like it!  In fact, with my boys now full-fledged teenagers, I admit I even missed it.  Funny how four pounds of fur can do that.

From day one, I have carefully scooped and measured his dry food, wetting it so he won't choke and watching carefully for signs of eating too much or too fast.  He does lap his water quickly sometimes and has the hiccups afterwards, but I simply rub his tummy and they go away. No spit up with this guy!
He slept all night in his crate right away...10:00 pm to 6:00 am without a whimper or bark and he wakes up dry and ready to face the day.  After his morning potty break, he let's me rock him in the rocking chair for snuggles to start our day. Now that's more than this momma could ask for in a first-born dog! He looks at me with those adoring big eyes that make me think I'm the most important person in the world and he comes when I call him, tail wagging behind him as he lumbers toward me on oversized puppy paws.  Best feeling in the world!  Unconditional love and constant gratitude.  I'm even getting used to wet kisses, muddy paw prints, and the smell of DOG in my house. It must be PUPPY LOVE!

Gettin' Jiggy

It's almost March 1st.  You know what that means.  This Irish girl gets jiggy.  No, not jiggly (damn auto correct!), JIGGY!  I get my Irish on.  I get a little crazy for all things green and blarneyful.  I start with the leprechaun sightings, get out the pot and fill it with those gold chocolate coins, and make sudden detours through McDonald's for a shamrock shake.  I look at cuts of corned beef at the butcher shoppe, contemplate new soda bread recipes, and make potato soup with leeks like Aileen, my old neighbor straight off the boat from Galway, taught me.  Then, I crank the Irish Rovers, The Pogues, and my man Van Morrison and get really jiggy!  C'mon, it only comes round once a year...give it to me or better yet, join me.  That's the beauty of the Irish, we are willing to share our holiday.  You can be an honorary Irishman for the day on March 17th.  We don't mind. We'll even give you a green Guinness and call you Paddy b'gosh and b'gorrah!


Here's my little Irish laddy way back when...wonder if I could still get him to dye his hair green at 14?

Funny Valentine

I bought a bag of candy hearts yesterday.  I couldn't resist!  It's the first time I've seen them written in Spanish.  How cool is that?  Joseph (8th grade) just finished his first Spanish class in school, so he is translating them for me.  It's funny, I took Spanish in 8th grade too.  I can still sing "La Cucaracha" (The Cockroach Song), well, at least the first verse anyway.  I just googled the translation, however, and it seems my teacher took a little liberty with it way back when.  According to Wikipedia, the majority of the song known today was written during the Mexican Revolution, a period of great political upheaval.  It goes like this:

Spanish	English
La cucaracha, la cucaracha,	The cockroach, the cockroach,
ya no puede caminar	can't walk anymore
porque le falta, porque no tiene	because it doesn't have, because it's lacking
marihuana pa' fumar.	marijuana to smoke.

Now, I distinctly remember being taught the last line of that first verse as "gasolina pa' fumar". The story, as told to the class of '78 went that the cockroach couldn't walk anymore because he spilled a can of gas and it burned his leg.  Now 30 years later, I find out that the poor bug just ran out of pot and couldn't get high!  He stumbled on the road because he lost his buzz?   I think I'm going to teach Joseph the song too.  The lyrics certainly seem harmless now.  What with the pop and rap lyrics that my kids hear all the time.  We'll have our laugh for the day.  Now that's a funny valentine!  Es divertido!

Bubble Tub

My friends gave me a bath today.  Ok, not in the way you might be thinking.  I wasn't suddenly stricken with something debilitating requiring assistance in the tub.  I was all alone in there...really.

My friends just provided me with all the decadent things that made my bath so lovely.  My girlfriend, Leana, made bath salts for Christmas gifts this year.  A wonderful combination of epsom salts and essential oil that she packaged in a holiday gift bag and delivered to my doorstep.  Heaven!  A few spoonfuls in the tub is all it takes to for me to lay back and relax.  A few years ago, when we built our house, old pal Katie gave me a lovely bathroom gift basket complete with bath pillow, French soap, loofah, and a candle.  I'm telling you that bath pillow makes my life complete!  I don't know what I ever did without it.  Gives new meaning to lounging in the tubby.  The candle always helps too, ramping up the olfactory part of the bath experience and setting the mood.
And I love me my loofah!
So, I turned on my bubble tub, settled in and had a good long soak.  It's just about the best thing to beat the winter blues and always leaves me relaxed and refreshed.  I'm letting all my friends in on it!  

Baby Angels

My name is a special gift from a baby angel. In 1963, my parents named me Stephanie Ann, after my father's sister, who died at the age of 4. My dad was only 2 year old when she died (1942), so he doesn't remember much about her. My grandparents told me stories about "Steffie" and I have a collection of her baby things (ie. pictures, baby book, silver rattle). She was a golden-haired little girl with a mop of curls and was the light of their lives. I love that I am named after her. It lets a part of her live on and makes me feel tied to family. In 2003, my sister named her youngest daughter Evelyn Stephanie, after me. I didn't know of her plan to give the baby my name ahead of time. I was in the hospital room when Evie was born. When Beth said her name, I burst into tears. This time my name was a gift to a baby angel. The love just keeps getting passed on from one generation to the next. How heavenly is that?!

Squawk Back!

So, I'm pondering yesterday's NPR report about teens who talk back to their parents being alright in the long run.  Apparently, opportunities for argument in the formative years promotes mastery of the art of persuasion and even peaceful coexistence in the home and workplace as adults.  Phew!  My boys are gonna be alright!  But, I've got to tell you it's a constant around here.  Greg and I are hit almost every day with the "Can I just ___?" followed by an immediate squawk back of rationale.  You'd think it was a simple yes/no question, but it never is.  In our house, there are degrees of yes and no-ness, which I realize promotes the squawking.   It might be the "Yes, but..." or the "Yes, if...", sometimes it's the "No, because..." or more often the "No, but it's up for discussion".  Greg often defaults to the "I don't know" which is like wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress into the lion's den.  They circle and devour you for that one.  I try to start with "Let me think about it" which is also akin to a swarm of bees coming in for the sting. I remember when the boys were little having frequent conversations with Greg about being the united front and having each other's backs during such times.  I'm sorry, Sweets, but it has turned into every man for himself!  It's what you have to do to survive.

It's interesting, however, to see how their tactics have changed over the years.  Sam, at 15 is becoming the master of negotiation.  He's learned that he can immediately get a more favorable response if he lets go of his back talk in a calm, more controlled manor than he did when he was younger.  Instead of flying off the handle with a tirade of begging and whining, he now quietly says, "BUT, if you let me..." and presents a well-prepared, sometimes beautifully crafted litany of excuses.  Joseph still resorts to a good 'ol 13 yo sassing, which just escalates either parent into a full-blown frenzy of shouting.  He hates this and ends up shouting louder to tell us that he wishes we wouldn't shout at him.  For Greg and I, we've grown tired of the "I'm the ONLY one who..." or "Everyone else is..." and shouting is catharsis, for the moment.  Then we all just realize that no one is being served and everyone is unhappy, so we go back to negotiating.

I wish I could stand firmer in my responses, but like most parents of teens, I struggle with the balance between giving them independence and keeping them safe and sound.  For us, it's trial and error, and lots of trust.  If we don't trust them, who will?  So, we take the back talk in stride and acknowledge that this too shall pass.  It is, however, comforting to have science behind us telling us that our boys will be stronger, better prepared for adulthood, work life and even marriage someday for having sassed, shouted, and squawked their way through adolescence.