The Gifts of a Child

Ok, so Glennon Doyle Melton re-posted an essay on her blog (www.momastery.com) today entitled "Every Child is Gifted. Every.Single.One".  I love Glennon and no doubt her post will get a bazillion hits.  I wrote about the same topic in an essay titled "The Gifts of a Child" waaaaaay back in 2010.
Thanks for reminding me, Glennon and here's my own thoughts on the topic:

From the time my sons were born, I’ve fought the urge to compare them to other kids their age.  Baby playgroups were my worst nightmare.  If we weren’t talking breast feeding or sleeping through the night, it was “who did what the first, finest, or farthest!”  We regaled each other with tales of accomplishment, always in a loud voice and with a little self-righteous smile.  No wonder the babies all ended up crawling in a circle and high-fiving each other!  (Ok, they were fighting over the same toy and hitting, but it could have happened.)  I hated myself for getting sucked into the commentary and for thinking that it even mattered.  I had studied child development and knew that there was a spectrum of skill acquisition.  There would inevitably be the precocious child who was not only clever, but beautiful and well-dressed to boot. There would also be the late bloomer, the runt of the litter, who just needed time to come into his own and grow some hair on that tiny, bald head.  As for the rest of the group? Well, they were just your average chubby, drooling babies in Gap overalls and swim diapers who cried when hungry, tired, or strapped into their car seats for the ride home.

As my boys have grown, I’ve watched them become who, I think, they were always meant to be.  My husband and I have spent countless hours analyzing where their strengths and challenges came from.  They must have gotten his intelligence, determination, strong will, and drive for perfection. My abilities shine in their sensitivity, common sense, and senses of direction and humor. Surely it is HIS stubbornness, controlling nature, and volatile temper they’ve got.  It couldn’t possibly be MY impulsivity, need for attention, change, and drama!  The bottom line is, IT’S JUST WHO THEY ARE WIRED TO BE!

Children are born with unique brains and therefore, unique intelligences, learning styles, and potential.  Throw in cultural influences, socioeconomic status, and geographic location, not to mention global warming, mad-cow disease, and prenatal exposure to caffeine, and it’s a wonder they even come out at all!  Regardless of limitations or talents, I believe every child has a gift and is therefore, gifted. It’s up to us, as parents, to work with these gifts and teach our children to do the same.  The talent is in how you use what you’ve been given. I am convinced that all children can, and will, through continued hard work, motivation, hope, and support, achieve to their fullest potential and soar. Some of them will go higher and sail on the breeze, some of them will flap harder and fight the wind. They all have wings, we just need to believe they can fly!

I marvel at children who were born with physical or mental challenges, knowing how hard it is just make it through the day.  Mine and my children’s lives, have been enriched beyond measure by the experience of knowing kids like Jesse, who has congenital heart disease and can’t play contact sports, but runs faster than my boys.  Like Annie who has autism and tells us she loves us with her smile instead of her words; or Zeke who is learning disabled, but eagerly repairs a lawn mower or car engine for the neighbors next door. It would be easy to say they didn’t meet expectations, failed, or even humiliated us. Instead I choose to cheer their attempts, their persistence, the grace with which they face their disability; they are often the strongest, happiest, and most proud among us.

 I’m equally enthralled with the kids for whom it comes easy, wondering if that will always be their life experience. Like Jane, who took apart her mom’s vacuum cleaner and put it back together again before she went to kindergarten; or Sami, who is in third grade, but studies calculus online during math class.  Then there is Johnny, who made the varsity squad in three sports, at the age of ten.   I’ve watched them lead the line, win the gold medal, and graduate before they hit puberty.  I admire their determination, perseverance, and strength.  I try not to label, judge, or pretend I’m not envious of their triumphs.

I know the key lies in differentiating children’s learning styles, accepting that some are accelerated and some slower learners.  Some kids need to work at an advanced pace and a more challenging level than others.  Many just need extra time or repetition to get it right.  Of course, there are also those that require specialized classrooms or time pulled out of regular education for individualized interventions.  At home, school, on the playground and in life, these children must exist side by side without being defeated or stigmatized.

All children can grow, with love and acceptance, into just who they were meant to be. All kinds of minds can be counted and valued.  The common goal can be the smile they share, the laughs they leave behind, and the happiness they get from doing their best. We can cherish the strengths, and embrace the weaknesses, for the beautiful gifts they are…the gifts of each and every child.

Stephanie Barsness, 2010