My Brave Face

     I've been contemplating bravery lately and this is what I've realized. When I was a

little girl, I thought I was the most brave when I crossed the street in front of the

neighbor's dog, who terrified me. In my teen years, it was when I could finally have a

conversation with a boy without blushing. As a college student, it was the time I not only

questioned, but argued with a professor.  While a young career woman, it was getting

through the interview and then asking for a pay raise. As a wife, it was saying yes to the

marriage proposal, and as a mother, it is sending my children out into the world without

me.

     But, now in my middle years, with increasing wisdom and maturity, I've come to

realize, that bravery really isn't just about heroic feats, facing adversity, or jumping in

with both feet. It is simply living a life with courage and class. It is taking the first step,

walking the fine line, asking the difficult questions and facing the unknown. I know this

because I've been watching some truly brave women lately and I've learned from them.

They've empowered me to take a closer look at my life and hopefully take some bold

steps of my own.

     My little sister, the mother of two young girls, has gone back to work full time after

many years at home. One thing you must know about her is that she doesn't like change,

it rocks her world! That's not to say she isn't flexible and open-minded, trendy with great

hair. She just needs a long, slow warm-up and sometimes a good kick in the pants! But,

she did it. She picked herself up, started her own consulting business, and got herself

gainfully employed through creativity, initiative, and resolve. She is now fulfilled and

happy in her renewed career and juggles the demands of motherhood with style, to the

envy of us all. She is one of the most original and entertaining moms and throws a

fabulous party on the spur of the moment. My nieces are delightful, quirky, and full of

imagination, firm in the knowledge that their mom will always be there with a kiss,

cupcake, and a really cute outfit!

     My sister-in-law, also the mom of two, returned to school to study dentistry and

endodontics. Nevermind that she already has a master's degree in physical therapy and

takes time out to run a marathon or two every year. She studies endlessly, works out

regularly, nurtures a husband and home, and has more friends on Facebook than most

people I know. She even makes time to check in with me and coach my ongoing efforts at

regular exercise and weight loss. I'm not sure when she sleeps, or how much coffee it

takes, but she has the energy and strength of ten thousand women.

     My favorite neighbor has decided to homeschool three of her children, while

simultaneously nursing elderly in-laws in her home, visiting her own parents regularly,

and building a new house with a toddler underfoot. She is organized, methodical, caring,

and CRAZY! But, she makes it look easy and never asks for help. Oh, she says she

NEEDS help, she just never asks for it, and if you give it to her, she bakes you cookies in

return. She faces the chaos of her life head on with perseverance and good will and is

always the first one to reach out to someone else in need. I don't know how she does it,

but she has the longest days of anyone I know and she still looks 25!

     My close girlfriend leads a life of worry and struggle. She lives with an abusive

husband, and a child with congenital heart disease. She spends her life walking the

tightrope between hurt and pain, calm and contentment. She never knows what each new

day will bring. It might be a harsh word, a broken spirit, or a medical emergency. She is

never quite sure if she or her son will make it. She clings to her deep faith, relies on her

trusted friends, and gives all of herself, all of the time, to survive. She finds happiness,

even joy, in the little things. A pretty sunrise, a good dessert, a funny joke, or a long

walk. And always, always, in the smile on her boy's face when he is running through the

yard or playing in the pool just like everyone else. His laughter is her best music, life's

sweetest song, her only peace.

     My far-away friend finalized her divorce last year after her husband cheated, lied,

stole, and left their family. She raged, questioned, wept and watched him walk out the

door. Then she let the dogs in the house, the dogs HE banned outside, so they could

comfort her children and protect her family from further harm. She is the model of

dignity, patience, and resilience. She teaches her sons kindness and compassion, her

daughter self-respect and forgiveness. She wears the most beautiful smile and sings the

best karaoke. Her light shines from within, an inspiration above all.

     My two best friends from high school have been diagnosed with cancer in the past six

months. One had breast cancer and the other is battling LDL Leukemia. That is two out

of the three of us. That is too close for comfort. One faced her surgery and radiation

treatment with the spirit of a survivor and became just that. She was always positive,

optimistic, hopeful, and she never complained. Not even when the radiation burned her

breast, and fatigue forced her to fall asleep before bedtime, at the beginning of a new

 relationship, with a man with five children under the age of 10, who needed to be tucked

in too.

     The other is still coping with the initial shock of diagnosis. She is tired, scared,

emotionally fragile, and physically bruised. Yet, reminds herself to be "open to the

lessons we can learn along the way". Her 6-wk regimen of steroids has caused weight

gain and irritability, but prompted her to dye her hair "Dr Pepper" red and ask her doctor

if she could still drink wine. Facing her first week of chemotherapy, she laughed through

tears and came up with a code name, so she didn't have to keep saying the "C" word.

Setting up a CaringBridge site was terrifying, yet she did it with humor and grace,

keeping us all informed of her constant questioning, determination, and strength. Her

guestbook entries are all supportive and encouraging, most upbeat and funny, and some,

inappropriate and lewd-a true testament to the spirited woman, whose laughter still rings

the loudest and longest.

     Finally, I must mention my almost-70 yo mother. She called me yesterday with the

news that she had completed a 2200' zipline ride down Whistler Mountain in British

Columbia. She hung 200' above the forest floor and zipped by at 50 -60 mph, sometimes

upside down! This is the same woman who climbed the bridge outside the Sydney Opera

House, rode a motor scooter in the Bahamas, went hot-air ballooning for her 50th

birthday, waterskis most summers, and powerwalks every morning; yet had the worst

panic-attack of her life giving a speech to a roomful of people at a meeting! She is not

only young at heart, she is young in body, mind and spirit.

     So, you see, I'm surrounded by bravery in all its forms. Courage and class despite life's

roadblocks and rollercoasters. These women who get out of bed, put on their brave face,

walk out the door, and meet life head on. They laugh and cry, scream and yell, wince and

whine, beg and pray. Yet they are in their moment, seizing life around every corner,

taking the opportunities as they come. They don't make it look easy, they just make it

look real. This is life, this is IT. It's messy, painful, terrifying, exhausting, overwhelming,

and all we’ve got. I've learned from them that you take it one day at a time and make the

most of it. You rely on your family and friends. You embrace the good stuff. If you make

a bad move, correct it, start over, and try again. You thank God and you go out there and

live it, bravely, as best you can.

Stephanie W. Barsness

September, 2009